I myself am ... strange and unusual

And it turns out that after all these years, I’m still the weird kid in class. Look at this picture and tell me what you see.

Let’s have a glance at Gnumoon’s “weird kid in class” rap sheet:

First Grade: Librarian allows Gnumoon full access to the library after realizing that GM reads on a sixth-grade level and is not adept at socializing with the other children. Gnumoon is quite happy with this arrangement because the other children are neanderthals and hiding in the library gets her out of going to gym with them.

Second Grade: Teacher realizes that Gnumoon sees the world differently from the “normal” children. Gnumoon is hauled in and given tests that indicate she should be taking classes for gifted kids. …And the alienation from normalcy and lifelong social acceptance begins.

Fourth Grade: Gnumoon develops a deep and abiding love for the work of Roahl Dahl and Stephen King and begins keeping reptiles as companion animals. She also perfects a way of breaking crayons in half and expertly using a straightened paper clip to tether two mismatched halves together, thus creating a bi-colored supercrayola. Life is good, and weird.

Fifth Grade: Gnumoon develops her first crush on a boy; boy dubs her a “weird freak.” It isn’t until the following summer that it dawns on her that this is no compliment. Always the arty kid, Gnumoon begins to realize that no artistic endeavor, no matter how impressive, will make her as popular as being a bubbly cheerleader who color-coordinates her socks and t-shirts to her ESPRIT bags.

Sixth-Eighth Grades: Unabashed individuality crumbles into pudgy adolescent self-doubt and loathing. These dark years are spent hiding from cruel peers- reading, writing,  and painting   in silence while trying to look and sound enough like the rest of the crowd to blend in completely. Social camouflage is all the rage.

The other kids remember the former weirdness, however, and Gnumoon’s tryout for the part of “one of the crowd” is wholeheartedly rejected.  (Although, in retrospect, dressing in a Starfleet uniform for Halloween probably didn't help)

High School: A modicum of social acceptance is received thanks to the playing of a genetic “Grow out of baby fat into some curves” card. Gnumoon is still odd on the inside, where it counts, and tries hard to keep it hidden. Jock boyfriend? Check! Football games and popular friends? Check and Check!

College: Gnumoon keeps a lid on her bizarre nature except when it is called for in school projects, artistic endeavors,  and the like. Perhaps she learned to channel the weirdness in a socially acceptable way? But no...

So basically, I was always different from the other kids and hated how that felt. Today I was in one of my graduate school classes, and we were doing these perception tests. I saw EVERY DAMN ONE OF THEM differently than everyone else did. They all saw one thing, and I saw something else.

Instead of being happy that I took a different path, I was mortified that I would be excluded, AGAIN, for my deviance from the group.  I saw the “Oh shit, that new girl over there is weird” look, and I recognized it from the past. It makes me feel every bit as alienated now as when it first happened back in 1984 or so. *sigh* (Although, in retrospect, dressing in a Rush t-shirt for class probably didn't help)

Ps- Look at this picture and tell me what you see. I saw something different than everyone else in the room, and even though I came up with the “correct” answer immediately, I would have rather been wrong and been accepted as part of the group.

Currently Listening to: My self-obsessed "pick on the fat/weird/nerdy/bookish kid" whining. Eh, screw it...I'm going to go watch reruns of Star Trek on Spike now. Engage!
Quote OTD: From Lydia Deetz, in Beetlejuice (I always identified the most with Winona Ryder's strange characters in 80's movies- Lydia, Veronica Sawyer, Kim):
Lydia: I myself am... strange and unusual.

Comments

[Dr. J]

Is it a cow? I am freak or am I just like all the rest? (p.s. Mark is reading your post while overseas. Thanks for the Calvin and Hobbes, Rush comments and other things that appeal to his dorkiness. I'll send you some pictures later that you are sure to appreciate.) Also, a note on your recent post - didn't Jaysus wear a dress?

[old gray mare]

a cow in a snow storm perhaps....but the first thing I saw was a cat eating a worm...perhaps the tail end of a bird meal

[Rurality]

Oh dear. If I see a dark alien preparing to pierce the underbelly of that sea turtle (that's just been incapacitated by means of some sort of sonic attack) and then suck all his guts out, that's probably not the right thing, huh?

Oh wait. Now I see the cow. Whew.

[Leila]

Yep, it's a cow. Maybe the people in my class are freaks for not seeing it, or maybe y'all are drawn to my freakish nature. Hmm.

HI Dr. J! Nice to see you. I can't believe Mark reads this thing. I'll have to get smarter.

Rurality, nicely played. :)

[Marie]

I don't see no damn cow. All I see is a horrible contrasty negative.

[Marie]

Ok, now that I don't have a glass(es) of red wine in my system, I see the cow. It was hiding from me last night.

[t]

i can't see jack - even though i know the answer is cow...hmm. here from utenzi via michele. :)

[TomC]

My first thought was a fly with human arms caught in a web screaming "help me".

Yes I am weird.

On second thought, yes it is a cow, but even after that I can see the fly ...

Tom

[Rurality]

I really wasn't kidding though, you know. :)

[Angela Giles Klocke]

I saw a cow first but thought, "darn it, does it make me normal to see the cow or should I be seeing something else?" So, cow is the answer to being right, right? Cool ;)

[THE Cecily]

Rush as in "2112" or as in "We're the Alpha Phis, the silver and bordeaux!"

And your first through eighth grade memories sound exactly like mine. Darnit, why is NC so far away from BC?

[THE Cecily]

Am I a freak for thinking it was a grainy picture of a secret CIA mission that was recently featured on the (not quite) hit ABC-television show "Alias"?