Here are my two-word reviews for “Silent Hill”:
This movie suck-diddly-ucked,
The only tension or interest for the audience was found in wondering when the hot girl-on-girl action with the no-nonsense butch cop was going to happen. (I found myself humming that old RHCP song Sir Psycho Sexy every time she was onscreen.)
And it was boring, the final nail in any horror film’s coffin. Although the sets were cool and the camera angles mimicked the video game reasonably well, the film just plods along, not really even bothering to throw in the occasional cheap “jump” scare to keep the audience awake.
Not even having a few drinks before this movie made it entertaining, except in a “let’s laugh at that unintentionally amusing dialogue” way. And that’s saying a lot, because I love bad horror movies. And I also love having some drinks and then watching bad horror movies. Sadly, this one made me wish I’d drunk so much that I vomited on myself in the theater and had to leave to clean it up and was then too embarrassed to return, thus sparing myself two hours of unabating celluloid shittiness.
Well, it’s another full evening on the mountain, so I’d best get to it. First it’s baseball, then the end-of-the-year BBQ and afterparty, then it’s on to the saloon to watch Possum Jenkins rock the night away.
Hope you guys all have a great S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y…NIGHT! S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y…NIGHT!
Currently listening to: No Way Back, by Foo Fighters. Head FFer Dave Grohl and his wife had a baby the other day, but sadly did not name her Cindy Lou Foo.