Sorry (again) for no-posting...this parenting stuff is damn hard. Between the crying (hers and mine), the sleep deprivation, and all the things I have to learn about babies, it's easily the most challenging thing I've ever done. I find myself dreaming (during my 30 minute naps) about being back at work...because there, I know exactly what I'm doing and I'm good at it. Unlike here, where I just sit and stare at this wailing kid, unable to figure out why the wailing is occurring. I'm putting up this picture because it shows how cute she is, and also what absolute hell I look like. Mirrors: an enemy to be avoided for mommies with 2-week-olds.
She's such a cutie, with this interesting personality and everything, but she cries pretty much constantly when she's awake.The pediatrician thinks that she's suffering from acid reflux because her tummy isn't fully developed yet, so we're starting some meds for that...fingers crossed that they work! It might make the difference between sane parents and crazy insaneo parents. Mostly, I can't stand the thought that she's in pain and I can't help her. :(
Some observations from the past 2.5 weeks:
- Breastfeeding, while the "natural" choice, is not intuitive nor easy. Don't buy that crap about how it's the most basic human function and how simple it is. To paraphrase Hippie from The Abyss, I'm doin' it, but I ain't diggin' it.
- The breastpump is a Nazi torture device. It is a mixture of Count Rugen's Machine from Princess Bride ("Instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away.") and the device that the Skeksis use in The Dark Crystal to drain the Podlings' essence.
ps-I'm using the pump on one side right now because (graphic description warning) the little dear damn near bit off part of my nipple so I'm using the pump while it heals.
- If your child has tummy problems, they will tell the nursing mother to cut out all dairy, hard veggies, carbonated beverages, chocolate, fruit, and overly fibrous foods. This leaves: scrambled eggs. Which isn't really a good way to get the extra 600 calories a day that breastfeeding demands.
- When she smiles at me, even though it means she's about to let out a massive fart (which she does like an adult, and I can only think is a talent she gets from her papa), it's still wonderful to see. She has such a pretty little smile when she isn't furiously screaming.
- TLC is devoted completely to new mothers during the daytime...it's one baby show after another. I'm baby showed-out. If I'm going to sit around nursing a baby and changing it, I'd rather watch something with some substance. Well, that or a re-airing of The Thorn Birds.
- I smell like milk and I'm not *completely* sure when I last washed my hair.
- My sense of humor jumped in a foxhole about 2 hours after they started the pitocin and hasn't returned yet. Someone tell me this gets easier.
ps- I'm sorry if this post comes across as anti-parenting or anti-baby. I'm neither, but I think that women do each other such a disservice by downplaying just how freaking HARD this parenting thing is. It isn't fun right now, it isn't particularly fulfilling, and it isn't something I'd wish on anyone...I am clinging, clawing, grasping at the hope that it will get better, but I'm not going to sugar-coat the experience to fulfill some social expectation. Maybe the people who put those expectations in place had placid, contented babies?