Coooome and Get It!

I just don't know what to say...but I must finally say something about the issue that has been on everyone's minds and weighing on the hearts of the country. That's right, the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch commercial starring Darius Rucker.  I can ignore ye no longer. Watch the full version here…the cut up ones on TV do this masterpiece no justice.

"Big Rock Candy Mountain" is a great old song, made popular again in the early 90’s by the success of Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? I might venture to ask Mr. Rucker Oh Brother, What Art Thou Smoking in reference to this commercial. I can just envision the pitch from the company trying to get him to sign on…

Ad Genius:  Mr. Hootie, errr, Rucker, we think that a man of your extraordinary musical prowess and stature in the industry could give the launch of this sandwich some real Oomph!
Rucker: Thank you very much for the offer, but is this a purple cowboy suit?
Ad Genius: Well, yes.
Rucker: You must be kidding. I’m a certified platinum recording artist. I don’t wear purple cowboy suits.
Ad Genus: Brooke Burke, Christina Aguilera, and the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders will be there as well. Without purple cowboy suits.
Rucker: (pulls out guitar and starts singing)

When my belly starts a-rumblin',
and I'm jonesin' for a treat.
I close my eyes for a big surprise,
the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch.
I love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch,
the breasts they grow on trees.
And streams of bacon ranch dressing,
flow right up to your knees.
Tumbleweeds of bacon,
and cheddar paves the streets.
Folks don't front 'ya cause ya got the juice,
there's a train of ladies comin' with a nice caboose.
Never get in trouble, never need an excuse,
the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch.
I love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
no one tells ya to behave.
Your wildest fantasies come true,
Dallas  cheerleaders give you shaves.
Red onions make you laugh instead,
and french fries grow like weeds.
Ya get to veg all day,
all the lotto tickets pay.
The king who wants you to have it your way,
that's the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch.

And on the same spectrum of weird shit in commercials that have been on for months that I'm just now getting around to talking about, I present this one as well.  Be sure to click on "Watch the TV Ad." I guess we figured out what happened to the guy who did NIN's videos after they broke up.

Currently Listening to: Anything but the songs in these commercials. And that damned Vonage one as well. whooo-hoooooooo-hooo-hooo-hoooo
Scrabble WOTD: SUPE - n pl. an actor without a speaking part

Comments

[jamin]

ah, not that freaky Nike Commercial again... Darius Rucker, keepin it on the streets because thats where he is from!