Considering that just yesterday I was talking about the
possibility of meeting snakes out in the woods, it is interesting that today I
discovered that my home is indeed “out in the woods.” I was working in the yard
when I hear Dave yelling to me, “Hey, come check out this snake!” I went from
repotting a peace lily to scrambling for my camera; the wrong lens was on, but there was no time to change it- what if our special visitor decided
that he didn’t want to be bombarded by the paparazzi?
I ran out into the yard and saw this really beautiful black rat
snake, about five feet long, lazily pulling himself along one of the railroad
ties that we use to differentiate “our yard” from “the woods.” Evidently Mr.
Snake had little interest in our system of demarcation. (It could have been “Miss
Snake,” I suppose. I didn’t lift it up and look, but that wouldn’t have
mattered- sexing snakes is notoriously difficult.) I had time to take a few bad
pictures before he slithered off into the sun-dappled undergrowth. It made my day
that he chooses to live here- keeping down the mouse and vole population is a
noteworthy job in my book.
From a young age I have been fascinated by snakes and
lizards, and until I actually reached college and realized that science majors
also have to take quite a bit of the dreaded MATH, I was planning to be a
biologist, possibly specializing in herpetology. A deep and abiding love for
slithery critters was instilled in me by a family friend who always kept snakes
as pets and would spend hours explaining their physiology and mannerisms to me.
He would let Kudzu and Ginseng, his yellow and red rat snakes, come stay at our
house for weeks on end. I considered this to be a wonderful chance to play
hostess, and I showered them with much love and affection. Snakes love that,
you know. (My mother was surprisingly open to the “snake-sitting” arrangement.)
The thought of being scared
of snakes simply confounds me. What is there to be afraid of? A snake will never
seek you out to harm you. A snake will slither away instead of confront you. If
you step on him, a snake will bite you. But so will I.
There are plenty of things to be afraid of in this crazy
world, like terrorists and serial killers. I’ll take an anaconda to Al-Queda
anyday, thanks. At least a snake’s motives make sense.
Snakes have gotten a bad rap for all of recorded history,
and I’m sure that my opinions won’t change those of people who think that
serpents are evil incarnate. That is an unfortunate and antiquated opinion, but
you get nowhere arguing on the behalf of snakes (and believe me, I've tried). “Lack
of cuteness” and “responsible for the fall of man” seem to be stumbling blocks
for my reptilian friends. A snake can’t help that it isn’t cute and cuddly like
a kitten or that it might ingest the occasional kitten. He’s just trying to
make it in a hard world the same as the rest of us.
I have lots of good snake stories involving, among other
things, naked hippies, snake poo, pansy-ass boyfriends, and "the incident that led to the removal of the dining-room drywall." I’ll have to type some of those out and post them.
Currently Listening to: (It should be Coldhearted, but it
isn’t) White Roses, by Information Society
Quote OTD: From Raiders
of the Lost Ark:
Indiana:
There's a big snake in the plane, Jock.
Jock: Oh, that's just
my pet snake Reggie.
Indiana: I hate
snakes, Jock. I hate 'em.
Jock: C'mon, show a
little backbone, will ya?
3:19 am. Insomnia sucks to your assmar. It makes you draw pictures of yourself in photoshop using your right hand even though you're left-handed. I can't read any more about the train industry right now, thanks Ms. Rand, and I'm too stupid at this hour to work crossword puzzles. 
