And we’re back from Charleston. Friday night the team suffered a heart-breaking loss, and we’re now in waiting mode to see which if either of the national tournaments (NCAA or NIT) is interested in the team based on a stellar record but less-than-stellar league tournament performance. So now it’s back to the grind. Sigh.
The subject of today’s post is a PSA, or Public Service Announcement for you non-advertising majors out there (and lord help those of you who are/were. What a useless degree). Here goes: you know how at the zoo there are “Do Not Touch” signs on animal enclosures? They are there for YOUR safety, because soft koalas and lazy pandas are still bears, fuzzy cheetahs and snugglicious tigers are still wild cats, and hippos are among the most dangerous of animals ever conceived. These are all untamed animals, no matter how Disney portrays them, no matter how many nature shows make them look cuddy.
The same applies to pregnant women. DO NOT TOUCH. No matter how docile a woman may look, whether grazing peacefully or chatting with others in the herd, do NOT approach her and grab her belly while squealing about how cuuuuute it is. This kind of sudden movement can startle the gestating female, resulting in very bad things. You are likely to draw back a nub, and there is no one to blame but yourself. Pregnant does not mean "domesticated", in many cases (ok, maybe just mine) it may actually mean "feral". Hands off!
There are only a few exceptions to the “Do Not Touch” rule, and they all should be prefaced with “meeting this condition gains you the right to ASK for touching privileges.” #1: You are the partner of said female, and the fetus carries half your DNA. #2: You are the parent/close relative of the woman, and in good standing with the woman. #3: You are a good enough female friend of the woman to share potentially embarrassing secrets about one another. In other words, “casual friend she goes to the gym with once a month or so” does NOT cut the mustard.
People who are not on this list: old ladies at the mall, old ladies at restaurants, anyone in Wal*Mart, old ladies in parking lots, males in general (this is a personal space issue, people!), and assorted basketball players (this may just have happened to me).
Bravo! Well written! I hope to have cookies on hand when next we see each other so that you might see fit to allow me access to Pookie's roundhouses.
Posted by: Auntie CeCe | March 06, 2007 at 10:44 AM
Ooh, a rule #4, perhaps?
"You may be able to distract the female with cookies if you wish to touch the tummy. However, this tactic is untested and dangerous, so proceed at your own peril."
ps- CeCe, you're covered by #2, so you'll be okay. I will def. still accept cookies, though.
Posted by: gnumoon | March 06, 2007 at 11:37 AM
I've always wondered why seemingly normal people will just waltz up to pregnant lady and touch the belly. It's straight out of Ripley's...
(I promise never to touch any pregnant belly even if I qualify on all conditions with the preggers lady)
Posted by: Melissa | March 06, 2007 at 12:45 PM