Current events: The Rev. Jerry Falwell once stole my husband’s cinnamon sticks out of the radio booth at a Liberty/ASU football game. My husband, who was powerfully hungry at the time and had had no other food to eat all that day and had to wait until after the football game to obtain sustenance, has been sore about this incident for years and was not sad about the man’s passing.
Other events: Since I’m at t-minus 2.5 weeks now, I figured it was time to start looking into some techniques and philosophies on birthin’, so I waddled over to the public library today and checked out a few books. (And I'm kidding, I've done some studying on this throughout. I just felt the need for some reading material)
(ASIDE: The childbirth books are located on the bottom shelf, basically an inch off the floor. Someone who hates childbearing women decided to put them there, is my guess- my grunting and straining to stand back up most certainly violated the “Shhhhh” policy of most libraries)
So of the several books I picked up, only one offers any kind of unbiased information that treats women as if we have brains. The rest are either hardcore “No woman who loves her child and is committed to the experience of having children would have medical pain relief!” or hardcore “You’d have to be an insane hippie not to have medical pain relief!”
I don’t know why I’m surprised or disappointed. This is the same problem I’ve run up against in talking to other women since I found out I was pregnant. I’d hoped to find camaraderie, a tight-knit sorority of women who supported each other’s decisions, realizing that there are several tough choices to be made and that what is right for one woman may not be right for all women. An idealistic mistake on my part.
I’ve heard it all: if you’re tough and love your baby you’ll push through the pain / there’s no reason to suffer without drugs / epidurals make labor too slow and they’re for wimps / elective C-sections are the wave of the future /real women have homebirths with a midwife / real women have scheduled inductions as to not waste valuable time / sitting nekkid in a tub of water with your partner is the only non-stressful way to give birth / you should get all the drugs you can as soon as get to the hospital / only a doula can be a proper advocate ... on and on and on.
And the proponents of each method think all the others are loons.
Honestly, when someone tries to push their particular views on me, it sparks a rebellion within, and I immediately want to do it the opposite way. One woman was going on and on about how the only real way was in a tub in a living room with candles and burning sage- it made me want to immediately insert my own epidural and buy a shitload of disposable plastic diapers to put in a landfill. And when one mother told me that she had 2 elective C-sections and that her children never “bellied up to the milk bar because that’s gross,” it made me want to stop shaving, fire my OB, and give birth in a sweatlodge in the sticks.
So do I have a basic plan? Yes, a very flexible one. Am I going to share it with these women? Nope, because I don’t need any more input from the placental peanut gallery. Same goes for naming, sleeping arrangements once we’re home, breastfeeding techniques, diapering, and a bevy of other issues.
Don’t get me wrong…I love to hear other people’s stories and some of them even have great advice to share. But don’t push an opinion on me as if it is the only right way, because at this point I might just shove that Bradley method book/epidural catheter/cesarean spinal block kit/birthing ball right up your ass. Without the benefit of prior anesthesia.
ps- Yes, my boss really did have that conversation with me about the water breaking at work. I wouldn't make something like that up.