Gnumoon's Stuff

You have entered the twilight zone, Beyond this world strange things are known

Sorry (again) for no-posting...this parenting stuff is damn hard. Between the crying (hers and mine), the sleep deprivation, and all the things I have to learn about babies, it's easily the most challenging thing I've ever done. I find myself dreaming (during my 30 minute naps) about being back at work...because there, I know exactly what I'm doing and I'm good at it. Unlike here, where I just sit and stare at this wailing kid, unable to figure out why the wailing is occurring. I'm putting up this picture because it shows how cute she is, and also what absolute hell I look like. Mirrors: an enemy to be avoided for mommies with 2-week-olds.   

She's such a cutie, with this interesting personality and everything, but she cries pretty much constantly when she's awake.The pediatrician thinks that she's suffering from acid reflux because her tummy isn't fully developed yet, so we're starting some meds for that...fingers crossed that they work! It might make the difference between sane parents and crazy insaneo parents. Mostly, I can't stand the thought that she's in pain and I can't help her. :(

Some observations from the past 2.5 weeks:
- Breastfeeding, while the "natural" choice, is not intuitive nor easy. Don't buy that crap about how it's the most basic human function and how simple it is. To paraphrase Hippie from The Abyss, I'm doin' it, but I ain't diggin' it.
- The breastpump is a Nazi torture device. It is a mixture of Count Rugen's Machine from Princess Bride ("Instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away.") and the device that the Skeksis use in The Dark Crystal to drain the Podlings' essence.
ps-I'm using the pump on one side right now because (graphic description warning) the little dear damn near bit off part of my nipple so I'm using the pump while it heals.
- If your child has tummy problems, they will tell the nursing mother to cut out all dairy, hard veggies, carbonated beverages, chocolate, fruit, and overly fibrous foods. This leaves: scrambled eggs. Which isn't really a good way to get the extra 600 calories a day that breastfeeding demands.
- When she smiles at me, even though it means she's about to let out a massive fart (which she does like an adult, and I can only think is a talent she gets from her papa), it's still wonderful to see. She has such a pretty little smile when she isn't furiously screaming.
- TLC is devoted completely to new mothers during the daytime...it's one baby show after another. I'm baby showed-out. If I'm going to sit around nursing a baby and changing it, I'd rather watch something with some substance. Well, that or a re-airing of The Thorn Birds.
- I smell like milk and I'm not *completely* sure when I last washed my hair.
- My sense of humor jumped in a foxhole about 2 hours after they started the pitocin and hasn't returned yet. Someone tell me this gets easier.

ps- I'm sorry if this post comes across as anti-parenting or anti-baby. I'm neither, but I think that women do each other such a disservice by downplaying just how freaking HARD this parenting thing is. It isn't fun right now, it isn't particularly fulfilling, and it isn't something I'd wish on anyone...I am clinging, clawing, grasping at the hope that it will get better, but I'm not going to sugar-coat the experience to fulfill some social expectation. Maybe the people who put those expectations in place had placid, contented babies?

Finally posting again! Meet Maren Grace

Hi everyone!
sorry for the media blackout- we're home, and we're three! Please meet Maren Grace Jackson, the latest addition to our family.

Maren (who is still referred to frequently as "Pookie") screamed her way into the world on Tuesday, weighing in a 7 pounds, 11 ounces, 18.5 inches, and sporting a very full set of lungs. She's pretty much completely perfect, and I am in no way biased.
(edit: we thought 18.5 inches seemed really short, so we remeasured her tonight. She's 20.5 inches.)

I'll post more later, but I wanted to thank everyone for their well-wishes and prayers.

Flickr photo gallery here.
I look like absolute hell, but she's a cutie, and I have a very good excuse. (I may post about the birthin' later, or I may not. At this point it pretty much triggers something resembling PTSD)

Wish us luck!

OK, here we go. At 4:00 am (a mere 2.5 hours away) we head in to the hospital for Pookie's induction into the Hall of Fame NotMyUterus. I'm scared, I'll be honest...I've heard that drug-assisted inductions are very hard, fast labors, so I'd hoped to avoid this. But she's pushing 2 weeks late, and the doctors all feel it is the right thing to do (even the bad doctor, who will be getting his very own post very soon).

So off we go, Dave's mind full of helpful, constructive thoughts like "Is everything packed?" and "Do I have the phone list?" and mine full of unhelpful, paranoia-inducing thoughts like, "OMG, I DO NOT WANT  an episiotomy!" and "I don't think I want to do this anymore- stop the roller coaster, I want off!"

So...send good thoughts our way, and here's hoping that June 12th will be a fabulous birthday to have for the Pooks (who will shortly be known by a different "official" name, but she'll always be Pookie to me).

Love,
Leila and Dave

ps- If you're in town or curious about the progress, don't hesitate to call my cell or Dave's...we're more than happy to talk unless we're super busy at the time. Don't worry, though... we'll call you back.

still here: the bedrest report, day 4

Here's a picture from last week, taken and photoshopped the night before The Incident. The ball isn't photoshopped, just the ocean. :)
****
Thought I'd update y'all on events: there are no events about which to update. I'm sitting around worrying myself about every little thing, since I can't distract myself with activity. My mom is here, so luckily DJ can go run errands or do things for work without worrying too much about me. Mom and I have been playing some Scrabble and catching up on our reading, but it's all very strange, like we're just sitting around waiting for something to happen, be it something good (labor) or something bad (a repeat of last week).

This whole situation has sapped my sense of humor, which really sucks because that's my coping mechanism. There is hardly a time in my life when I can remember not cracking a joke to deal with any situation at hand. But I'm just not feeling funny; I'm just too busy worrying about how the baby is doing (even though there's no way that I can actually tell how the baby is doing, so worrying does no good).

But mom and DJ are taking good care of me, and all seems to be well (if rib-kicking is a sign of a healthy child, then I think she's doing just fine in there). I promise to update when anything changes, but I didn't think it would be too interesting to write about reading books and surfing on the internet.

scary few days

It’s been a hectic, frustrating, and scary few days around here. Sorry I haven’t updated, but this is honestly the first time I've had the energy or the motivation to sit down at the computer. I may write it all out once the baby is here and everything has worked out fine, but I don't really feel like rehashing it just yet.

In a nutshell: On Wednesday I had a medical incident that landed me in the hospital overnight and now I’m on bedrest for the near future. The baby is fine and, despite the efforts of certain medical professionals to bully me into choosing otherwise, is still on the inside.

Thanks to those of you who are close and assisted us during this, and to everyone else, thanks for the prayers and well-wishes. Talk to you all soon. :)